Summer Storms Bring Life Lessons

“Jesus has defined the relationship he wants with you. He is not interested in enthusiastic admirers who practice everything in moderation and don’t get carried away. He wants completely committed followers.” -Kyle Idleman; Not a Fan

Several times throughout my walk with Christ, I find myself referring to this book. Not a Fan is one of the most prevalent resources I have ever read; it has taught me the difference between fan and follower of  Jesus time and time again. This summer has been different than all the summers before, both good and bad.

First of all, if you didn’t already know, I just finished my freshman year at the University of Alabama. And what a marvelous ride it was! I have never experienced friendship in that way and I may never experience it again outside of those at the Capstone. I miss my family from Riverside and the BCM dearly and cannot wait to see you all again. I am very proud of the members of our faith family who are traveling the globe to spread the gospel this summer.

I have spent my summer being slightly less adventurous. My best friend and big sister married the love of her life in mid-June. I have a brother and my own bathroom for the first time in my life. Of course, a ring and a new last name won’t shake our relationship. I wouldn’t trade being a part of the Williams Wedding for anything in the entire world. And I managed not to cry on her big day. That’s a pretty big deal. I went to Panama City Beach with my mom and dad, worked at the Student Rec Center, and watching every episode of NCIS ever filmed (starting with its originate in JAG). I am thankful for this time of rest from the busyness that is college. Just like every other season, God is teaching. This lesson was a particularly hard lesson to learn.

My heart is people, it always has been and always will be. This summer, I had a lot of time to myself which led to some particularly disappointing self discoveries. I am keeping up with my friends on social media, mainly Instagram. My brothers and sisters in Christ are serving in Rio, Georgia, North Carolina, Gulf Shores, Arkansas, Colorado, Louisiana, Texas and even right here in Tuscaloosa. I am so blessed to call theses missionaries friends. Watching and reading their stories from the field made me even more anxious to get involved and more eager to have the children of Oracabessa in my arms again. July could not come fast enough. A few weeks into the summer, my gut started telling me the trip was no longer going to happen. I received conformation of this at the beginning of June.* My heart was broken. I have not felt an emptiness like that in years. I spent a year fundraising and preparing my heart for another opportunity to serve at Spicy Grove. Several weeks after hearing the new, I found myself slipping into spiritual frustration. My frustration was the product of not being around my faith family, being jealous of those serving, becoming stagnate, and hardening of the heart. A storm is the perfect way to describe this time; I would be lying if I said I was out of this storm. What better opportunity for God to teach me a lesson than time of heartache, insecurity, and complacency?

Missions is not a destination, but ones current location.

I am guilty of making statements about everyday being missional and living on the field in the past, but this summer has really taught me what those things actually mean. I want what I write to be honest, and honestly, I started to become bitter towards people having an awesome summer serving around the world. I felt unimportant to the kingdom on a good day and as if my absence doesn’t make a difference every other day. I am diagnosing myself with self-loathe/self-pity. It is an ugly disease that attacks the heart of a person and slowly works its way to the surface. Bitterness took over my thoughts for a period of time. My soul was dry.

And I had the audacity to blame the cancellation of a trip for it all.

Who am I to blame issues of my heart on circumstances outside of my control? My summer storm was my fault. I chose to build my life around one mission opportunity, rather than building my life on the mission field. I chose to draw encouragement from the idea of traveling back to Jamaica, rather than filling my being with the Holy Spirit. I chose to excite my heart with what God would do, rather than what he is doing. I chose to read Twitter, rather than the Word. And when push came to shove, I wondered why I felt so spiritual unsatisfied. I don’t know if it was more difficult being honest with myself or God, either way, it was scary. Honesty provokes change. In this case, a total breakdown and rebuild of many of my beliefs about how servant-hood actually works.

Throughout the rest of the summer, God has been teaching me what it means to serve Him. I always pictured a place or an organization, a group of people doing Kingdom work together. But sometimes, maybe even most of the time, service is lonely. I spent my summer in Brent, Alabama to learn about missions. I have no doubt about that. Time alone is time allowed to prepare my heart for people.

Storms are never in vain. Rain, shower or flood, allows rebuilding and growing to occur.

I have had so many ideas for ministry in my hometown. There is potential for amazing things to take place in this little town. All the programs and intentions are great and wonderful, but all will fail without prayer. All will fail if we follow the rules, instead of following Jesus. All will fail if we choose religion as a birthright and not a surrender of the heart. My mission is in central Alabama and I choose to accept it. Do you?

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourself fully to the work of the Lord, because you know in your labor the Lord is not in vain.”
-1 Corinthians 15:58

Bloom where you’re planted,
Kelly


*The trip could not happen due to internal team reasons. For anyone who donated/purchased Krispy Kreme donut, I still have your offerings and they will be used to fund a mission trip in the spring/summer. I cannot thank you enough for your donations and prayers.