I'm not an interesting person. I'm not the smartest student. I'm not the best child. I'm not the life of the party. I'm not the mouth of the south. I'm not a face worth remembering. I'm not comparable to the rest of my peers. And I'm okay with that. As different as we all are, we are still faced with the same question. What's next?
For those of you who may come across this and do not know me personally, my classmates and I threw our caps last Thursday, May 23rd. It's officially summer, just like every other summer we've ever had. But our lives will be different with the fall.
I can't tell you what's next for my classmates, my close friends, or even myself. Some of us are already working or taking summer classes. The rest of us start school in the fall... Roll Tide, by the way. That's where I will be.
All of that is good and wonderful. We're doing something with our lives; something that matters. But when I asked what's next, the fall isn't what I was referring to.
Called, chosen, separated, different... all of these words can be summed up as one; removed.
Picture a jar of peanut butter. If it sits in the cabinet a few days, the oil will rise to the top; before you use it you have to mix it back together. There's a point to this, I promise.
I look at the world and see destruction, a mess, and it breaks me. But what hurts even more than seeing the downfall our my world, is knowing it is my fault. What?! Kelly, you're a Christian; a good kid. That's not your fault! Yes it is. This world is the product of what we as Christians have allowed it to become. Because we are no different than the next person, because we do not live a radical life, because we fail to be the salt and the light of the world, we have contributed to corruption of our town, county, state, and nation.
God has chosen us to be different. Yet, we look exactly like everyone else. I'm not excluded from this; I'm writing this for myself. We have been taught that we don't have to live a sold out life. We have adopted a watered down version of "Christianity". What we know is a manmade American easy-peasy religion. We aren't required to change our lives, our schedules aren't interfered with; don't worry, you don't have to leave your comfort zone. We pretend like our brothers and sisters across the world aren't risking their lives underground to praise God. What if it came down to that for us in the States?!
We have been called to live fruitful life; a being of love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, joy, and self-control. These things don't come over night, but are grown through discipline. Discipline is what we lack. Back to the peanut butter analogy. Christians are the oil. We rise to the top of the crowd because something is different within us, or that's what is suppose to happen. Are we really different? Do we really separate ourselves from a sinful society? Not really, no. But if we were to live as we should, we would stand out from the crowd. Once the oil separates from the peanut butter, it has to be mixed back in so we can eat it right? Right. Then what's the point in being separated to begin with? When Christians remove themselves from the influence of a self-centered society and devote ourselves to Christ, our relationship with Him strengthens. Eventually our faith is strong, we're on the meat of the word (that DOES NOT mean we won't fail, we will, but we ARE forgiven). When our faith becomes strong and we gain self control, the oil can be mixed back in. The oil and the peanut butter are two different ingredients, but there cannot be one without the other. After surrendering to Christ and mixing in with society, we are different; equipped and able to making a difference for the Kingdom of God.
The older I get, the more I study, the more I realize the life I lead is average. I am not running full force towards a risen Savior that battled Hell for me. I have been given the gift of salvation, that I do not deserve, and I am wasting it. I have been taught to waste it. I want to be that example in love and truth to the girls younger than me because I didn't have that example. The first step to being that person I want to be is realizing that I cannot live an apathetic life, I cannot disregard a calling from God, and I cannot rely on a once-a-week church service that will not fulfill my spiritual needs. I have to dig in God's word in order to have the type of relationship with God that I thirst for.
This summer I'm on a mission; I have a new prayer. This summer is a summer of transformation. My desire is for God to mold me into the woman I have been called to be, a woman after his heart; a woman that is the same person Saturday-Sunday, at work or at home. A prayer to be an example in love and truth; I pray for a heart that will serve all. Every day I want to grow closer to the One who gave it all. This is a lifelong project. I have said it several times before and I say it again; our idea of a relationship with Christ is not even close to what it was meant to be. I am not okay with a halfway kind of faith. I want more.
1 Corinthians 9:19
